Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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