Soap is not a condiment
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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