I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
