i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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