It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize