I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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