That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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