watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
