we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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