If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
