drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize