I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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