Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Randomize
