Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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