your thong is hanging out like whoa
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
