oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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