My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize