hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
