just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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