Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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