don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize