The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize