After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
