Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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