When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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