"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
