This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
