the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
