She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
