her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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