so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
