just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
