My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
