best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
