I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
