Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is Oprah even human
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize