My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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