Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
