God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
