My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
