I wish I could punch you in the face.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
