She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
