If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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