Do vagina's smell?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
