omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
