so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize