how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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