i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
