is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
