genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
