a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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