walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
