everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
