i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
