I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
