someone owes me an orgasm
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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