I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
