An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need moral support for this bender
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
