Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
