I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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