I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
