i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
