the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
