And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
