Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
