I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
